yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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