he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
