It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
