i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
