Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
