I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
