i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
