this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Please don't give away my fajitas
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize