when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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