Non-Jews are for practice
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
