how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
