I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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