Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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