she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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