he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
