can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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