My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
