I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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