grandma shit on top of the toilet
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
