Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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