You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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