3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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