so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
