Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize