; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
