Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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