4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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