Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
