They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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