Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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