I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
