Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
