I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize