i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
that is very illegal...i love you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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