Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
