i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
