Umm I'm too high to move.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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