Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
