Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
