he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it wasn't lemon gatorade
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
