I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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