My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
