I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will be naked everywhere
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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