his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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