That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
