I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
