broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize