hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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