She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
