Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
