He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
