my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
