I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
