I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
