It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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