I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
