Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
