My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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