After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
