I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
