My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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