What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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