Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
