I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
