I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
