Will you blow on my dice?
i just google imaged poop.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize