so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
