shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
